Spending $10 to do Laundry in The Sims 4 was the Worst Decision I Made This Year

I love doing the laundry. And I don't mean "I really like it." I genuinely love it. Did you know there are entire Instagram accounts dedicated to pictures of drying clothes and clips of the spinning drum of the washing machine? I know because I'm following them all. Laundry is life. The notion of sorting clothes, emptying the bin, measuring the right amount of liquid, setting the temperature... I find this incredibly peaceful. But not hanging. Hanging the wash is the blight of this land, a task ungrateful, and forever burdened with the, um, great burden. And it's name is the horse. The clothes horse.

Admittedly, sorting out how to hang the wash so that the clothes all fit, dry efficiently and aren't wrinkled afterwards is sort of a puzzle to solve, and then I get minor points for drying my clothes carbon-free. And I know no one else can do it as good as me. That damned airer, though... I can bear folding clothes, but butting them back to the wardrobe... That's hell for me.

Similarity? After folding, sims put the clothes wherever, such as on the kitchen counter. Putting them in the wardrobe (quantum wardrobe, perhaps, since the wash just disappears) requires another command. The difference? Look at that smile!

With two jobs, I didn't have much time for laundry, though. Now that I'm working for gamepressure, I think I have even less time. So, when I was browsing DLCs to The Sims 4, pretending it was work-related (but truth be told, I mostly play the game when nobody's paying me for it). The Sims 4: Big Wash

How did I miss this DLC?! How did I miss something so important? Why the hell didn't the media shout about it from rooftops?! The answer soon became obvious, as I examined the price tag – Electronic Arts thinks laundry mechanics in the game are worth at least ten bucks. Needless to say, it's not worth it.

After riding the tram back from work with two my colleagues, I told them, with a mix of irony and shame, that I've just spent ten dollars for being able to do laundry in The Sims. A bystander noticed that "You probably get a full set of them washing machines and tumble dryers." But no. You actually just get two.

The add-on isn't awe-inspiring in terms of content, but cats seem to be having fun. Some fun, at least.

Yes, my dear readers. The Laundry Day Stuff add-on provides two washing machines, one tumble dryer, a garden airer (you can't combine several in one big airer, which is a big drawback in my books), a vintage barrel for hand washing, things like brooms and an ironing board, which you can hang on the wall. Oh, and laundry baskets, too. Oh, and your sim can become a typical ‘loundrophile,’ that is, apparently, a fan of chilling it out on wicker furniture (that's how I see it, although the connection between doing the laundry and rustic interior design still escapes me). And the mechanics? Give me a break. The Sims can hang a few pieces of laundry simultaneously. Gee. Simulator of life! Bah!

It's also noteworthy that purchasing the expansion provides your sims with the unique ability to think about laundry. Remember that? Bored at work-this is about me). It also allows (and that's where you really get your money's worth) sniffing other sims with or without approval. What I personally loved was that the clothes in the Sims fall into the laundry basket without human intervention. From thin air. Like thrown down these fancy chutes. Meanwhile, however, the only laundry chute we can count on in the Sims is a garbage one (which will work even if it's installed on glass). What is the advantage of this magical multiplication of laundry? It never ends. We transfer fresh laundry to driers (or airers), wait for a bit, fold it, and then again.

I placed a dryer on top of the washing machine, and then topped it off with a flower pot, a clock, and a glass lampshade – nothing fell, nothing broke. Nothing! That's a simulation of life? If I'd done it irl it would all shatter!

The add-on is very unrealistic, I must say. The washing machine is perfectly quiet and does not move. It doesn't break the silence of the night, doesn't move, doesn't spill water.

Heaps of laundry don't occupy precious room in the house, waiting for better times. More importantly, washed clothes – and, more importantly, the dirty ones – aren't lying around the house. Another thing the devs have forgotten about are the mechanics of missing socks.

There's plenty of room in the drawers, there's never to few hangers and hooks. You won't have a chance to break the routine or solve a storage crisis by introducing the KonMari system. A dryer doesn't take up all the living space in a cramped apartment (even in the Tiny Living add-on, damn it!).

Dark clothing never fades, and white never turns yellow. The detergent doesn't leave stains. The wind doesn't swipe sheets and towels, nor does it carry your linen to the neighbors' balconies. Cats don't sit on clean, fur-less, and fresh laundry that – even if poorly dried – never smells musty.

Gotta go, do the laundry. Bye!

I was talking to my friends about the capabilities of this famous life simulator, and with a blend of enthusiasm and disappointment with self, I told them that you can achieve everything in the Sims (we bitterly chuckled). But it's all easier there. I mean, you can marry a complete stranger and have a baby with them before nightfall! You can, technically, do that irl, but... In the case of laundry, however, I say with complete confidence: easier does not mean better. Real laundry, for all its importunity, always wins.

NO, THIS TEXT DOES NOT PERPETUATE STEREOTYPES

I know we're fresh off women’s' day, but don't think this article is particularly harmful. I mean, feminist or not, everyone needs clean clothes. Why not write about it? I actually enjoy it, haha. I bet there are some gentlemen who share my passion. And ladies who don't share it. Well, I do love it. Maybe even too much. But that's ok.